It is EXTREMELY URGENT that you read this post.

It’s Saturday. I get a voice mail. It’s from my bank. Specifically a woman named Bethany. Bethany says, “Mr. Lavoie, it is EXTREMELY URGENT that you call me back today. Thank you.” She leaves her number and hangs up. I don’t get this message until 4pm on Saturday and my bank is closed for the weekend. What could Bethany be calling about? Has someone stolen my credit card number? I have been doing a lot of internet shopping lately. In the back on my mind I have wondered, “How secure is internet shopping, really?” Are they calling because I’ve missed a payment, bounced a check? Did they object to the wasabi colored faux fur throw I had purchased?

Did a burglar show up demanding only the money from my account? “I’m sorry Mr. Lavoie but he specifically said he only wanted your money.” I can hear the shrug of the shoulders over the phone. “There’s nothing we can do. So sorry you’re poor now. Ok then. Buh-bye”

What could they want?? My Saturday, my day of lattes, shopping, manicures and relaxation has been ruined.

First thing Monday morning I call the bank, expecting the worst. The phone call goes like this:

Me: Um, hi. My name is Chris Lavoie. Bethany left me a message.

Receptionist: Ohhhh. Yes. One moment.

In My Head: Oh no! Even the receptionist seems to know what I’m calling for. This is going to be even worse than I thought.

Bethany: Mr. Lavoie. I’m so glad you called me back.

Me: OK. Is something wrong?

Bethany: Oh, well, um I was calling because I wanted to know if you would be interested in donating money to Helping Soles, a charity for children with no shoes.

Me: Seriously?

Bethany: Uh huh.

Me: No seriously? That is what your message was about? The EXTREMELY URGENT message was about shoes for poor people?

Bethany: Yes.

Me: Hung up phone.

Talk about the girl who cried wolf. People should not be allowed to use the words EXTREMELY URGENT unless the matter truly is extremely urgent. Items that would fall into this category would be: Death in the Family. Threat of Nuclear attack. Outbreak of bird flu. A serial killer has broken out of prison. Shoes for homeless people, while unfortunate, does not fall into the EXTREMELY URGENT column in my book.

Bethany, if you happen to read this, not only did your little message not inspire me to donate money to buy shoes for children, it kind of makes me want to go and steal shoes from children. So, let this be a lesson, Bethany. An EXTREMELY URGENT lesson…