Cliffs Notes for the Weekend, Part Deux.

1. I learned how to modern dance. All you have to do is run around barefoot in tight clothing and find your most dull, boring friend (Astonishingly Dim Paige perhaps…) and get her to read from the phone book, as you run around aimlessly, flailing your arms. Or you can run around aimlessly while holding a sheet in the air between both hands. Or you can run around aimlessly with a group of your friends. Moral of the story: Modern dance blows.

2. Champagne, pumpkin pie and yoga are not friends. In fact, they are bitter enemies. Likewise for turkey, champagne and treadmills.

3. Never, ever invite two lesbian ex-lovers to Thanksgiving. Only invite the cool one. Enough said.

4. Taking photos in a snowstorm = no fun for anybody.

5. Ruth can put on a Thanksgiving Dinner like no other. There were two turkeys, and a ham for eight of us. That’s my kind of Thankgiving!

6. RENT, the movie, really did feel like it lasted 525,600 minutes.

7. I still hate musicals.

8. Made for T.V. adaptations of great books should also be left at Blockbuster. They can keep LL Cool J company.

9. Even though your camera phone may have a little mirror on it for self-portraits, never ever take advantage of this feature. It will only hurt your self-esteem.

10. Spencer and company are possibly the most hilarious people west of the Mississippi.

11. Angela is fab!

12. Big jerks in red jackets, with hair plugs and ugly, big haired, buck toothed girlfriends, will literally knock you out of the way to get a diet coke at the movie theater.

13. I think the dead mouse’s family is staking my house out for revenge.