Say WHAT?

A couple of months ago I was taking out the trash and had a very disturbing run in with a little girl on a purple scooter. Just before said encounter I had purchased a new pair of fantastic red Crocs. For those who don't know what Crocs are, push the rock from under which you are living off your back and run, don't walk, to your nearest Nordstrom. They are possibly the most comfortable shoes know to man.

I was very pleased with my new shoes and was wearing them every chance I could. So as I'm walking out to the dumpster I see the little girl happily scootering toward me. I am feeling especially hospitible in my new Crocs so I say hello. (New shoes always soften my stone heart. Temporarily at least.) Typically I treat children as I would the homeless. Don't look them in the eye, and they will leave you alone.

Me: "Hello"
Little Girl: "uhhhh"
Me: "Hellllloooo." I am not going to let this little girl snub me!
Little Girl: "Your shoes are stupid."
Me: Totally speechless.

I nearly died! All I could do was watch her scoot away with my mouth hanging open. That little brat just told me I had stupid shoes! I had about 15 emotions hit me at once. First I wanted to hit her with my bag of garbage. Decided against that for obvious reasons. Next, I thought about swearing at her. However, calling a little girl "the C word" is somewhat frowned upon in our culture. My next thought was perhaps the most horrific. What if the girl was right? What if my shoes were stupid? Could it be possible. Was I so far gone that I needed a little white trash girl to tell me I had stupid shoes. After all, don't we all tell our parents how out of it they are in the style department? Had I crossed the line into bad shoe land without realizing? The line so many of our parents, co-workers and fellow Americans had crossed before?

NO NO NO! I had GREAT shoes. That little girl was just plain old evil. And even if my shoes were stupid, I had a right to wear stupid shoes. I am young, successful and have worked hard for my money, and if choose to spend money on "stupid shoes" that is my right. Hm! One thing I wouldn't spend money on however is a stupid purple scooter! So put that in your pipe and smoke it, little girl!